Duck Dodgers: Season 4!
by Queen Nephthys
Summary: A series of ideas I had for Duck Dodgers episodes. Requests will be accepted! Chapter 1: Dodger finds out the Martian Queen's hair isn't naturally white, the bottle of Stardust White hair dye in her room a dead giveaway! Pairings are the same as in the actual cartoon: DodgersxTyr'ahnee, and X-2xTyr'ahnee, with some Dodgers self-love as well.


Okay, so pretty straightforward, all the chapters I put in here are ideas I came up with for episodes from one of my favorite cartoons of all time, Duck Dodgers! I'd be willing to take requests, if people want as well, just don't expect me to get to them until months apart from when the idea was requested. Also, this is a DUCK DODGERS fanfic, not either the old or new Looney Tunes, nor any of the spinoffs, so don't be expecting Bugs Bunny or Tweety Bird to make appearances. Not that I have anything against the other Looney Tunes shows, I'm just trying to keep as faithful to the Duck Dodgers storyline as possibe.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy chapter 1!

* * *

Commander X-2 walked with determination through the corridors of the Martian palace, letting nothing sidetrack him from his destination. The other palace workers could mock him if they wished, but _they_ had not been asked by the Queen herself to be her wakeup call every morning of every day. No, that was a responsibility, among many, many others, that only _he _held, and that only _he _could perform in its entirety. ...Okay, maybe that was a bit extreme, but never let it be said that he did not take great pride in his work! Besides, it's not like anyone else would think to bring her a warm cup of Martian herbal tea with sugar, along with a copy of the Galactic Gazette in addition!

Once he reached the tall elaborate doors of the Queen's bedchamber, he knocked three times, and cleared his throat. "My Queen!" He called dutifully, "I've come to deliver your daily wakeup call!"

"Yes, come in, Commander." came the feminine reply on the other side. Not needing anymore persuasion, the small Martian quickly pushed opened the doors and carried the tea over to the bedside stand, stealing glances at his nightgown-clad Queen whenever he could. She stifled a yawn with the back of her hand before glancing over to her top commander. "Good morning." she said somewhat cheerfully. Her tone was a good sign; usually she could be so irritated in the morning. Not that it ever bothered X-2.

"And a very good morning to you, Your Highness." he replied. "Here is your copy of the Galactic Gazette, as per usual. I think you will find the article on the decline of the Solar System's stardust supply particularly of interest. It seems that Mars may be one of the last suppliers of stardust in this part of the Universe."

"Hm." The Queen hummed, letting X-2 know that she was listening. "Maybe we should raise the prices of our export stock to the other planets in this Solar System. With it being so valuable a resource, I doubt anyone would object to paying a little extra at the risk of losing Mars as a trading partner." Even though she said this, X-2 could tell she could care less by the fact that she was quickly flipping through the paper, glancing at the articles for only two seconds before moving on and repeating this process, as though she was looking for something specific.

And he had a sinking feeling he knew exactly who that _some__**one**_ was!

However, he would play oblivious for now. He'd learned long ago that it was unwise to call Tyr'ahnee out for any reason. So instead, he chose to continue their conversation. "Ah, an excellent idea, My Queen! After all, in addition to being incredibly rare, stardust is also one of the universe's most versatile resources. It's used for every purpose, from a powerful energy source, to beauty products and seasoning on greasy, high-calorie junk food."

Tyr'ahnee nodded, before her eyes widened. Flipping over to the next page of the newspaper, she noticed an article had been torn out. It was a small one, that looked like it could barely have been a paragraph, but somehow it managed to catch her attention. "Commander, why is there an article torn out of today's paper?"

X-2 tensed immediately. He had hoped that she wouldn't have noticed. Quickly, he began to formulate a lie in his head. "O-o-oh! My apologies, Your Highness. You see, ah... ah... m-my... uh, distant relative from planet Korniak passed away. The obituary notice in today's paper gave the date and address of his wake, so I cut it out before delivering it to you."

"An obituary notice?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Y-yes, Your Highness!"

She was silent for a long moment, and he thought that she just might have bought it, or in the very least let it pass, until she remarked:

"Then why was it in the "Honorable Mentions" column?"

"Uuuuuuhh..." he stuttered. "He was... killed in action?"

"But Korniak is a neutral planet."

"Oh, you must be thinking of the **other** Korniak, the one next to it!"

"X-2, give me the article, or you'll be attending a wake, alright! _**Yours**_!"

The Commander squeaked and quickly pulled the crumpled up article he had planned to throw away out of his pocket, extending it to the angry female. She quickly snatched it out of his hand and began to un-crumple it. Once she did, the picture of a black duck clad in the uniform of a Galactic Protectorate captain was seen, and a paragraph of some minor heroic deed he had performed. The Martain Queen proceeded to turn angry eyes on the Commander.

"Surely, you were not planning on keeping this from me?!"

"I-I didn't think you would take it so badly. It's barely even a paragraph, and a poorly shot picture. Surely, you don't intend to keep it, Your Highness!" he added this last part when he noticed her return her attention to the photo and begin to fawn over it.

This was a bad choice of words, as her glare returned to him. "Of course I plan to keep it, X-2!" she exclaimed, pulling the bed sheets from her legs and getting up from her relaxed position. "For all your years of serving as my top commander, you don't know the most important rule of war: know thy enemy! Why else would I keep each and every mention of Duck Dodgers's name plastered across the walls of my room?!" For emphasis, she gestured to the other newspaper and magazine articles of Mars's worst nemesis that were tacked all across the room's walls, some being held up on the ceiling for lack of space anywhere else. There were even some blurry photographs and black feathers in some places, and in one corner a small shrine where a bronze statue of Dodgers was surrounded by flower petals and candles.

X-2 felt his eye subconsciously twitch. "I can honestly say that I have no idea, My Queen." he muttered, his tone clearly sarcastic. Fortunately for his health, Tyr'ahnee paid him no heed as she walked over to an empty space by her calendar to hang up the piece of paper in her hands. As she did this, her eyes glanced over to the calendar, noticing a gold star had been marked next to today's date. This caused her to do a double-take; had it really been a month already?

"Commander, what's my schedule for this morning?" she asked.

Not bothered by the sudden subject change (especially since his arch enemy was the subject of discussion), he answered, "Well, Your Highness, this morning you will be meeting with some of the highest nobility from..."

"Tell them I may have to make a late arrival. If they protest, make up a feasible excuse, but I doubt you will have any troubles." she interrupted quickly. "Now please leave, Commander. I have important matters to attend to before their arrival."

"Of course, Your Highness! Would you like me to announce their arrival?"

"No; I shall come to the throne room when I am ready to greet them. Until then, I wish not to be disturbed by anyone."

"As you wish, My Queen. Please, try not to overwork yourself." He said before closing the door behind him and walking back down the corridors. Once he was sure he was out of earshot, he frowned.

"After all, 'knowing thy enemy' is such a _taxing_ business!"

~Q.N~

Meanwhile, aboard his Protectorate ship, Duck Dodgers was slouched in his captain's seat, reading that day's copy of the Galactic Gazette while eating one of his favorite foods: stellar tacos from the Stardust Shack, the best tacos in the universe! The Cadet, on the other hand, was busy tending to the ship's maintenance, already having been shocked twice, and covered in grease by an oil leak. He was about halfway done now, so he decided to take a break and made his way to the bridge. As he entered, Dodgers briefly looked up from his paper, and made a face of disgust.

"_Ye~eeek!_ What happened to you, Cadet?" he exclaimed, noticing all the inky black oil on his second-in-command's uniform and face.

"M-m-mainte-mainten-re-repairs to the ship, sir." he stuttered in his usual way.

"Y'know, when I s-_TH_-aid I wanted a greas-TH-ed pig for Cris_-TH_-mas-_TH, _ this-_TH_ was-_TH_-n't what I had in mind."

"Th-th-that's not funny." the Cadet deadpanned, walking over to his chair. As he was about to sit down, Dodgers shouted, "Well don't s-_TH_-it on the s-_TH_-eat! That's-_TH_ the las-_TH_-t thing I need is-_TH_ to have to find a way to get greas-_TH_ off of leather s-_TH_-eats!"

As he said this, the Cadet couldn't help but notice all the grease stains on the captain's chair, as well as the captain himself. "I-I-I see that." he said, his tone laced with sarcasm.

Suddenly, a voice was heard over the communications system: "CALLING CAPTAIN DUCK DODGERS! COME IN, DODGERS!" Within seconds, the communications screen turned on to reveal Doctor I.Q. Hi, looking all business as usual. Well, except for the silly light bulb hat thing.

"Dodgers-_TH_ here." Dodgers responded quickly. "What's-_TH_ up, I.Q.?"

"Dodgers," the Protectorate scientist began, "There are two urgent matters I must speak to you about. The first one: for heaven's sakes, practice better grooming habits! Your uniform is an absolute filthy disgrace!"

Dodgers frowned. "Well you're no s-_TH_-uper model yours-_TH_-elf, buddy!" he retorted, taking another giant bite out of his taco. "Cut me s_-TH_-ome s_-TH_-lack, wouldja? Didn't you s-_TH_-ee the Galactic Gaz-_TH_-ette this-_TH_ morning? I got a whole article to mys-_TH_-elf in the "Honorable Mentions-_TH_" column!"

I.Q. did not look impressed in the slightest. "You helped an old woman find her missing Pomeranian."

"AND s-_TH_-aved it from falling to its-_TH_ death-_TH_ when it s-_TH_-pontaneous-_TH_-ly climbed into a tree! Not to mention that old broad happened to be the head chairwoman of the Pomeranian Lovers-_TH_ S-_TH_-oc-_TH_-iety!"

"And n-now we can get free doggy ki-ki-kibble for li-li-life-forever." The Cadet added, his face matching I.Q.'s. Dodgers noticed this.

"S-_TH_-ay what you will, but that s_-TH_-tuff makes-_TH_ an exc-_TH_-ellent accompaniment to thes_-TH_ S-_TH_-tellar tacos-_TH_!" He said, popping one into his mouth for emphasis. The Cadet blanched.

"G-g-gross." he said.

"_Anyway_!" I.Q. stressed, bringing the conversation back to him. "The second reason I called you is to give you your next assignment." When it appeared he had both of their attentions, he continued. "Seeing as you read today's Galactic Gazette, you should know that the solar system's supply of stardust has run completely dry. The only place still capable of exporting it to the other planets is Mars. As I'm sure you are both aware, stardust is one of the universe's most valuable resources. Even the smallest spec of it is capable of powering an entire Protectorate battle ship for months at a time! On top of that, its unique composition makes it capable of being used for multiple purposes. And you can bet that Mars will exploit this fact for their own profit. So I'm sending the two of you to Mars to obtain a sample of the stuff from the reserves located inside the Martian Palace. If you bring that to me, I should be able to duplicate the properties of stardust into ordinary rocks and soil, allowing the supply rate to return to its former status quo."

While explaining the situation, Dodgers grew more and more visibly bored. Once I.Q. finished, he raised an eyebrow and said: "I don't s-_TH_-ee what the big deal is-_TH_. jus-_TH_-t go s-_TH_-weep s-_TH_-ome dus-_TH_-t offa s-_TH_-tar and s-_TH_-ave us-_TH_ the gas-_TH_ and the trouble!"

"St-st-stardust doesn't actually come from stars, Captain Dodgers." the Cadet explained. "Th-th-the reason it's called stardust is be-be-becau-becaus-due to how it glows like a star once it's been mi-mi-mine-mine-h-harvested. I-I-It's really a rare mineral only found on certain p-pa-pa-planets."

"I s-_TH_-till s-_TH_-ay it's-_TH_ a was-_TH_-te of my time ris_-TH_-king my lif-_TH_ going to Mars-_TH_ for a shiny rock! If-_TH_ ya want an energy s-_TH_-ourc-_TH_ s-_TH_-o bad, go back to us-_TH_-ing coal and gas-_TH_. That whole 'global warming' thing's-_TH_ jus-_TH_-t a myth-_TH_, anyway!"

I.Q. face-palmed. "Weren't you listening to a thing I just said, Dodgers?! Stardust is more than a mere energy source; it's used in nearly every aspect of our 24th century life! We use it to make clothing and jewelry."

"Wear the s-_TH_-weater your grandma bought you for your birth-_TH_-day!" Dodgers shot back.

"We also use it for our cosmetics." I.Q. continued.

"Not everyone can be as-_TH_ good-looking as-_TH_ me."

"Not to mention our food. In fact, that taco you're eating now has stardust as its key ingredient!"

"Hold the phone!" Dodgers exclaimed, shooting up from his seat immediately. "You're s-_TH_-aying, if I don't get that s_-TH_-tardus-_TH_-t s-_TH_-tuff from Mars-_TH_, then s-_TH_-tellar tacos-_TH _would jus-_TH_-t be...ordinary, regular tacos-_TH_?!"

"It's not called the Stardust Shack because of all the dust on the tables." I.Q. stated. "_All_ the food there uses stardust as its main ingredient."

This got Dodgers's attention, for in seconds he was situated in his seat, looking more determined than ever. "Cadet!" he yelled heroically, "S-_TH_-et a cours-_TH_ for Mars-_TH_, full s-_TH_-peed ahead! The fate of all the Earth-_TH_'s fas-_TH_-t food res-_TH_-ts in our hands-_TH_!

"A-a-a-aye-aye, sir!" the Cadet saluted, punching in the coordinates for Mars and setting the engines to full throttle.

~Q.N~

"We're approaching M-M-Mars now, Captain Dodgers." the Cadet informed Dodgers as the red planet came into view outside.

"Ex-_TH_-cellent!" he said, pulling what appeared to be an ordinary backpack over his shoulders. "Now, here's-_TH_ the plan: You dis-_TH_-tract the War of the World's-_TH_ crew with-_TH_ a trans-_TH_-mission of that video with you and me hula danc-_TH_-ing to the "La Bamba" , while I s-_TH_-neak into the palac-_TH_ and grab a baggie of thos-_TH_ rocks-_TH_-tars..."

"St-st-stardust." the Cadet corrected.

"Whatever." Dodgers waved off. "Any ques-_TH_-tions?"

"Wh-wh-why do we have to play the vi-vi-video-m-movie?" he asked.

"Becaus-_TH_ _you_ wouldn't let me pos-_TH_-t it on my YoUnIvErSe-_TH_ account, and there's-_TH_ no point in having embarrass-_TH_-ing moments-_TH_ on film if you can't show them to millions-_TH_ of complete and total s-_TH_-trangers-_TH_!"

"B-b-b-but we _could _just type in the coordinates of the stardust re-re-reser-reserv-st-storage unit into the teleporter and ge-ge-get in and out in less t-t-time. Like when you s-s-sav-re-rescued me from the Queen."

"Ah, you're over-th-_TH_-inking it, Cadet!" Dodgers said. "Now come on! Get me onto that little red planet AS-_TH_-AP!"

The Cadet heaved a long sigh of annoyance before following Dodgers to the teleportation room.

~Q.N~

"Greetings, esteemed guests." X-2 addressed the three nobles from planet Symphonicka with a bow. "On behalf of My Queen, I welcome you to Mars."

One of the aliens nodded. "With all due respect, Commander X-2, it would be much more welcoming if the Queen were here to welcome us herself." His two associates nodded, matching grins on all of their faces. X-2 bit back the urge to punch each one of them out of sheer anger and a bit of jealousy.

"Yes, of course, Sir Guataug." he said through grit teeth. "Unfortunately, her Highness is sorry to inform you that she will have to arrive late for your meeting due to unforeseen circumstances. However, she strongly encourages all of you enjoy your time on Mars in her absence. If it pleases you, I shall arrange a tour and lunch until the Queen is ready to see you."

"Actually, I would rather enjoy some Martian entertainment." another of the nobles spoke up. "After all, our planet lives for the pursuit of the performing arts!"

"Indeed, you are right, brother!" Guataug exclaimed. "Some authentic Martian entertainment would be most invigorating."

The Commander seemed a bit taken aback. Were they really expecting him to put together live entertainment for them in five minutes? "Well..." he mumbled, "I'm sure we can come up with something to please you gentlemen." he clapped his hands, and two centurion robots appeared.

"The lords of Symphonicka wish to sample some entertainment. Would you two kindly arrange something post haste?"

The centurions exchanged glances, before turning back to their commander. "What do we look like to you, jukeboxes?" One of them said.

X-2 laughed shakily at this, noticing the disapproving scowls of the three nobles. "Oh... never mind them! Just a bit of that famous centurion humor. I call it _**scrap heap **_sarcasm!"

The anger in the Commander's voice was clear, and so the two robots wisely chose to back off and go do their duty. "Uh, yes, ha ha ha, Commander. We will go and find a catchy song and dance number for our guests now." With that, the two zoomed out of the room as quickly as they could.

Seconds later, the big transmission screen lowered itself to the four occupants in the room. X-2 sighed some relief. "Well, that was certainly fast." he stated, more to himself than his guests. "It seems that we have a movie to show you. So please enjoy this little presentation."

The three nobles inclined their heads a little in anticipation. They seemed a bit disillusioned by the lack of a _live_ performance, but didn't fuss about it, so it was alright.

Until a video of a pig and duck in matching grass hula skirts and leis came onto the screen, dancing to some loud, obnoxious music in an earth language. In the background there were bunch of drunken, laughing earthlings, whistling and poorly singing along to the lyrics. The duck had a ukulele in his hands, playing it badly and singing the song even worse. The pig just looked like he was thinking of things that he'd rather be doing then.

The atmosphere in the throne room at this moment could only be described with the letters: WTF?!

X-2's eye began to twitch uncontrollably, wondering how many baths he would have to take before this horrible image would be washed from his memory. The nobles behind him had similar thoughts, but chose not to express them vocally.

"So... is this some... ah, _abstract_ Martian comedy?" one of them asked.

X-2 sweat-dropped. Honestly, _**horror**_would have been the better word. He just _**knew**_ that Duck Dodgers was behind this atrocity, as usual. But what his ingenious motives were, he could not say. All he could tell in certainty was that in order to send this transmission, Dodgers _had_ to be on Mars at this very moment. He needed to inform Tyr'ahnee immediately. "Ah, well...I..." he started, not sure how he could get out of this without tarnishing the name of Mars any more than it already had been. "I'm... not sure why exactly the centurions picked this video."

"More of your "scrap _**heap**_ sarcasm", I presume?" Guataug asked.

"Eh heh heh heh. I, um, will go see what the meaning of this is. If you will excuse me." the Commander gave another bow before walking as quickly and calmly as he could out of the room, before breaking into a mad dash for the Queen's bedchamber once he was out of their sight.

~Q.N~

At this time, Dodgers had teleported down to Mars, finding himself _**way**_off course and landing in the Queen's bedchamber. Of course, being the oblivious idiot that he was, Dodgers did not realize this very crucial fact.

"Now, to find the s-_TH_-tardus-_TH_-t and get the heck outta here!" he said to himself. He took a look at his surroundings, and his face frowned in concentration.

"S-_TH_-o, if I were a s-TH-tupid, lous-_TH-_y Martian, where would I hide an infinite power s-_TH_-ourc-_TH_?" he asked. Then he snapped his figures when he found the answer. "In the clos-_TH_-et!" he exclaimed.

Taking another look around the big room, he located his target at proceeded to walk over and open the doors of the giant walk-in closet. looking around, he first saw basic closet stuff, like coats and atomic disintegrators, before spotting a chest of drawers all the way in the back.

"The perf-_TH_-ect plac-_TH_ for hiding th-_TH_-ings!" he rationalized, going over to the chest and quickly pulling out all of the drawers.

The first thing he noticed was a photo of himself. He picked it up and examined it, before smiling. "Hands-_TH_-ome devil, ain't he? Wonder if-_TH_ he'd know where they keep the s-_TH_-tardus-_TH_-t around here." He put the photo back in its place, and searched the other drawers. Aside from the photo of the mysterious, handsome guy, he found a wallet with five galaxy bucks, which he put in the backpack, a journal with the word 'diary' on it, which he put in the backpack, a lace bra, which he put in the backpack, a pair of high heel shoes imported from Venus, which he put in the backpack (hey, if he didn't take them now, he'd regret it later), a stick of old, sticky gum, which he ate, and a bound stack of paper stating detailed schematics of Martian battle strategies and technology, which he threw over his shoulder.

It hit the bronze statue of himself, which toppled over from the impact and broke, the sound catching the attention of the person in the other room. Startled, she quickly jumped out of the shower and pulled on her bathrobe before slamming the door to her bathroom open.

"WHAT is the meaning of this?!" she screamed, searching for the culprit of the noise. A startled sound came from inside her closet, and she ran over, grapping the light saber from under her pillow along the way. Once she got to her closet, she was shocked to see that the cause of all the chaos was none other than Duck Dodgers, leaning over her chest of drawers, which now had every drawer open and spilled out across the floor, including the one that had all of her _**secret possessions**_ in it! Her blood instantly boiled over as she activated her saber.

"Duck Dodgers!" she exclaimed. Said Duck looked absolutely petrified, not even making an attempt to take his hand out of the drawer it was currently in. "How did you manage to break into _my _palace, my _bedroom_ on top of that?!" she demanded.

"This-_TH_ is-_TH your_ bedroom?!" he exclaimed, looking around before turning back to his captor with a skeptic look. "If-_TH_ I were you, s-_TH_-weetheart, I would really cons-_TH_-ider remodeling, or at leas-_TH_-t hiring a maid, caus-_TH_ this-_TH_ plac-_TH_ is-_TH_ a _**dump**_!"

"Like I'm going to take tips on interior design from you!" She spat. "More importantly, it would appear that this is the end, Dodgers. I now block your only escape path, and you are completely defenseless against me. At last, Mars will finally bear the head of Earth's greatest hero." She readied her weapon to strike down Dodgers. But before she could pounce on her defenseless prey, he held a hand between them.

"Not s-_TH_-o fas-_TH_-t, Queenie!" he exclaimed dramatically. "Come any clos-_TH_-er, and I will be forc-_TH_-ed to unleash upon you the power of this-_TH_...!" Thinking(?) fast, he reached for the closest thing he could grab inside the drawer and pulled it out. Noticing that it was an aerosol-like can of some kind, he brought it to his face to read the label on it aloud.

"S-_TH_-tardus-_TH_-t white hair dye in a can?" he said, looking confused. From the other side of the room, Tyr'ahnee gasped in horror. Had he really found _**that**_?! This had to be the worst thing that could happen to her.

Dodgers raised an eyebrow, the truth not sinking in fully yet. "Why would you have a can of white hairs-_TH_-pray? Your hair's-_TH_ already white." A moment of awkward silence passed after this, with Tyr'ahnee now the one who was too afraid to move, and Dodgers looking like he was trying to solve a complex math equation. Until suddenly, lightning struck, and his eyes widened in realization.

"YOUR HAIR IS-_TH_-N'T NATURALLY WHITE!" he exclaimed so loud, the Queen was certain anyone outside would have heard it. If that wasn't bad enough, he began to laugh uncontrollably, rolling on the ground and clutching his sides.

"O-O-OHOHOHO, THAT'S-_TH_ _**RICH**_!" he continued between gasps of air. "Wh-what; your natural hair color's-_TH_ s-_TH_-o _**ugly**_ you gotta dye it _white_ jus-_TH_-t to keep any color from showing?!" he laughed at his own lame attempt at a joke.

Unfortunately for him, that lame joke had rekindled the flames of anger inside the Queen, and she reacted in the only way she could think of:

Kill Dodgers!

In a flash, she was on him, preparing to stab the saber into his chest. Fortunately, Dodgers had stopped laughing long enough to scream like a little girl and roll out of the saber's path. But Tyr'ahnee followed his every move like a hawk, and continued to fly after him with her sword constantly stabbing at him.

"Now you _**really**_ have to die so that no one can ever find out!" She proclaimed, emphasizing each word with a stab of the glowing knife.

"Hey, it's-_TH_ not my fault your hair's-_TH_ not naturally attractive!" he protested as he avoided getting cut to bits.

"_That's __**it**_! You're a dead duck!" she screeched, running at him, fully intent to kill.

"Looks-_TH _like now would be the perfect time to make my daring es-_TH_-cape!" Dodgers exclaimed triumphantly, before dodging the assaulting Queen again. As she came in for another stab, he threw the can of hair dye at the Queen, and it made contact with the blade of her weapon, spontaneously exploding on impact and covering the entire room in a white mist. Dodgers took this opportunity to pull the cord attached to his backpack, which instantly converted into a jetpack!

"DUCK DODGERS-_TH_, IN THE 24TH-_TH_ AND A HALF C-_TH_-ENTURY, AWAAAAAAY!" He bellowed, pulling the cord one more time to start the ignition. The rockets on the wings of the jetpack lit up, and shot the Protectorate Captain... down through the floor.

"_WAAAAAAAAAHHH!_" Dodgers wailed as he blasted through multiple floors, one which held a very shocked Martian Commander. "Was that... Dodgers?" he wondered, completely flabbergasted.

"I put the lous-_TH_-y thing on _backwards-TH_! Dodgers exclaimed as he finally managed to pull himself into a position to fly through the corridors rather than blast through the floors. Unfortunately, the corridor he was now flying through had a heavy steel door at the end of it, which he was heading straight for! With no time to react, he blasted through the door, diving strait through a pile of some shiny substance before crashing through the wall opposite the door, which was also made out of steel.

"That was-_TH_ _**not**_ pleas-_TH_-ant!" He exclaimed, glancing down at his uniform, where some of the shiny rocks had stuck to him. He lightened instantly. "Hey! S-_TH_-tardus-_TH_...!" Before he could finish, he crashed into a giant boulder outside of the palace, breaking his jetpack in the process.

"Als-_TH_-o not pleas-_TH_-ant!" he groaned, rubbing his head. "But at leas-_TH_-t now I'm out of danger."

"Not so fast, Dodgers!" came the familiar reply from behind him. Turning around, he was met face-to -face with Commander X-2, and an army of centurion robots, all pointing their weapons at him.

"Man, I cannot get a break today!" Dodgers complained, picking up the now ordinary backpack from off the ground and sticking his samples of the stardust inside. "Look, any chanc-_TH _you could let me off-_TH_ the hook today, bowling ball head? It's-_TH_ kinda been a craz-_TH_-y one."

"Believe me, you have no idea." X-2 agreed. "But at least now I get no blow you to tiny bits; this will be _most_ therapeutic!"

"Have you ever cons-_TH_-idered yoga and s-_TH_-ome new age music?" Dodgers asked.

"This is for making me watch that _disturbing _hula video!" X-2 exclaimed before he and all the centurions fired their weapons.

"_Moth-TH-er!_" Dodgers squeaked, cowering in his place. However, before the lasers could hit him, he was zapped out of the area in a flash of light. When he opened his eyes, he was back on his ship in the teleportation chamber, and the Cadet was at the controls.

"I t-t-t-told you we should have used the teleporter." he said.

Dodgers paid this comment no heed as he straightened up and collected the bag at his feet.

"Exc-_TH_-ellent work, Cadet! Now chart a cours-_TH_ back to Earth." He reached into the bag and pulled out a piece of the stardust. "I.Q. is-_TH _gonna want to s-_TH_-ee thes-_TH_!"

The Cadet saluted. "A-a-aye-aye, sir." Before he left to complete his orders, the Cadet did a double take at Dodgers. "Ah, C-C-C-Captain Dodgers?" he stuttered.

"Yes-_TH_, Cadet?"

"W-w-why are you _white_?"

"White?" Dodgers asked. "What the heck are you...?" turning to the only mirror in the room, Dodgers got the shock of his life as he noticed that all his jet black feathers had turned a ghostly white due to the explosion of the hair dye can in the Queen's room.

Across the galaxy, an anguished cry could be heard for miles.

~Q.N~

A week later, the Galactic Gazette featured two very interesting articles.

The first was that Earth had successfully managed to bring back the supply of stardust to its former numbers across the Solar System.

The Second was about the new video craze storming the planet of Symphonicka: The "La Bamba"!

* * *

I literally could not stop laughing while writing this! Didn't know I had it in me to write something that wasn't full of angst. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this first chapter! If anyone wants me to do fanart for this chapter, or any other chapter to come, just send me a message either in a review or on my DeviantART account, where I post all of my artwork.

R&R at your leisure!


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